Ok, since I’m all out of ideas, here’s a little somthing my friend Chris wrote a while ago.
Austin Powers 3: Goldmember
Monty here, giving my review of the movie Austin Powers 3: Goldmember. WHAT WAS MIKE MYERS THINKING?!?!?! This is the worst of the three!! And I know that everyone with GOOD taste, and any sense in their heads will agree with me.
The opening scene with the utterly pointless cameos is obviously a pathetic attempt to catch the audience in the hype of the “big stars” that were sweeping the “scene” at that point. Mind you, the part when Brittany Spears’ head blows up was the best part in the movie. But even still, the entire opening scene was outrageously retarded.
Now, as it may have been a good idea to bring Austin’s father into it… they never should have sent him back in time, where Austin would come across yet another new villain played by, you guessed it, Mike Myers… Goldmember is by far the most fucked up of all the characters in the movie. It was a really far stretch to make a quick buck. This Dutch “playboy” from the seventies could be anything but funny. He annoys the hell out of me, and I wish herpes on Mike Myers for thinking of him. He eats his skin, has an irritating voice, and has a sick fascination with gold… fucking original!!!
Foxy Cleopatra… another bad cameo performed by the biggest pop star at the time… Byonce Knowles… good god… is it just me or does this entire movie scream “HELP! IM A DIEING CONCEPT TRYING TO MAKE A LAST STUGGLE FOR LIFE!!“. She portrays a stereotypical black woman from the seventies, which is, in my opinion, the worst stereotype of all. The loud mouth freak (thankfully she has a nice rack)
ruins what was already a train wreck headed for the shitter…
WHAT IS UP WITH THE CAMEO FROM THE OSBOURNES?! Its bad enough that the “ prince of darkness” has a reality show, they have to go make a stupid appearance on this stupid movie? For shame…
And finally the ending. The movie ends with them in the theatre watching, what was supposed to be a movie of Austin’s life. Doesn’t it take at least 6-12 months to fully complete a movie? And if I know Austin Powers, he should have been off “shagging” with some new bitch. Which doesn’t justify why that shit stain of a singer/”actress” is in the theatre with him. Not to mention the really bad cameo of one John Travolta. The forced laughs, the bad music, and Fat Bastard and his floppy skin. I wonder if you tie a rope to his limbs, and run really fast, will he fly up into the air? Going to have to try it. Well this movie was a real flop for the trilogy, along with T3, and all those other crappy “parts 3’s”. The cameos, the out done jokes, the fact that Mike Myers was trying to hog the spotlight with 4 characters, and the VERY bad acting delivered by Byonce, really set me off anything new by Mike Myers for a long time… unless Wayne’s World 3 comes out… ROCK ON!!!!